starving for acceptance
One Man's Journey with Anorexia and Bulimia
This has been a journey from hell!
I never would have believed that most of my life would be dominated by the challenges of an eating disorder. Why do individuals develop eating disorders? There are certain threads that bind those wrestling with disordered eating: the weight of anxiety and darkness from depression; the pursuit of perfection; the onus of low self-esteem; and the constant ache of high sensitivity.
These emotions and traits can intertwine, leading to a dance with obsessive-compulsive disorder, cloaked in shame, fueled by feelings of inadequacy, and driven by external validation rather than inner worth.
about the author
scott fishman
As I reflect on the depths of my fifty-year battle with an eating disorder, I’ve faced denial, stigma, and the crushing weight of secrecy. Graduating with degrees in business and law from the University of Kansas offered no immunity. As a male with an eating disorder, my life was hijacked from that of contentment, curiosity, and imagination to one of depression, obsession, and restriction. Through my personal research, therapy, and participation in treatment programs I have transcended the imprisonment of my eating disorder, finding peace of mind, freedom, and recovery.
I live in Gilbert, Arizona with my Goldendoodle, Ava, and enjoy photography, writing, hiking, and building genuine social connections.
My Photo Journals
You may be wondering why I have included a section to this website entitled Photo Journals. What do my photos have to do with my book? Good question, and I have a good answer. When I was deep into my eating disorder, allowing Ed to run the ship, my life became very small, routine, and colorless. But as I began to walk the path of recovery, I started to regain interests and passions in things I had long given up on, the two most important being photography and travel.
Review
Winner of the Literary Titan Gold Book Award in Nonfiction, February 2025
Posted by Literary Titan, Thomas Anderson, Editor in Chief
Starving for Acceptance is a raw and honest memoir that delves into Scott Fishman’s decades-long struggle with anorexia, bulimia, and body image issues. The memoir chronicles Fishman’s life from childhood to his eventual steps toward recovery, offering a rare and necessary perspective on male eating disorders. His journey is told with unflinching candor, shedding light on a topic often shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding.
What struck me first was how relatable Fishman’s early insecurities felt. His yearning for athleticism and approval from his father is heartbreakingly detailed in chapters like “The Concert,” where his father’s lateness to a pivotal performance underscored a recurring sense of neglect. That pain resonated deeply with me and set the stage for understanding how Fishman’s self-esteem eroded over time. His vulnerability is palpable, and it’s hard not to root for him, even as he describes the darker moments.
Fishman’s writing shines in its ability to balance the deeply personal with the universal. In “The Scale,” his obsession with weight is both alarming and sadly familiar in a world fixated on appearances. He describes sneaking onto bathroom scales with such detail that I could feel his anxiety through the pages. This isn’t just a story about numbers or calories. It’s about control, self-worth, and the lies our minds tell us. The intensity of his inner conflict, likened to a battle with an alter ego named “Ed,” makes the memoir unforgettable.
The structure of the book, with its focus on moments that shaped Fishman’s relationship with food and his body, is effective. One standout is the chapter “The Basketball Game,” where a casual compliment about his physique becomes a pivotal moment, shifting his identity toward his body’s appearance. His excitement, paired with the foreshadowed tragedy of obsession, had me simultaneously cheering and cringing. This blend of triumph and heartbreak encapsulates the emotional rollercoaster Fishman navigates.
Fishman emphasizes hope, albeit hard-won, and stresses the importance of addressing eating disorders early. His ability to reflect on his journey with humility and humor makes his story as inspiring as it is informative. The memoir doesn’t shy away from its darker moments, but it also never loses sight of the possibility of recovery.
I’d recommend Starving for Acceptance to anyone looking to understand the complexities of eating disorders, especially as they relate to men. It’s a must-read for educators, therapists, and families, but also for anyone who’s ever felt unseen or unworthy.